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Thu, Dec. 29th, 2011 03:14 pm
rhainus: Rain Box (Rain Box)
 It's been awhile ever since the last time I wrote anything. The main reason is most likely my depression. I don't think I have one but I am mere inches away from having one. These last moments haven't been exactly happy.

Ever since Christmas day, I noticed that in my family, no one really cares about Christmas. I am atheist but I like to celebrate Christmas as a day to spend with my family. We do that, but it's nothing happy. Christmas Eve is happier than the Christmas Day itself. While I greet my family with Happy Christmas, no one cares. Really... Not a real thing to be so depressed about but nowadays, people don't care about spending time together as family. I myself admit, I am too shy and socially awkward but I loved the time I spend with my family.

I got my school grades and they were really lousy. It just gives me more will to stop going to school. I don't like my class, I only have two persons there I truly consider my friend, the teachers have their favorites and if you aren't one of them you might as well give up going to their classes, I don't like the area I choose, I don't like anything. I am very pessimist by itself but those things just make me want to give up on living. Unfortunately, I don't have enough courage to commit suicide. But maybe that's a good thing or else I would have killed myself a long time ago. Then again, maybe that would be for the best.

If I could go back, I would have thrown everything away and just gone into an art school. That's my dream but I know my parents would never allow it. After all, to them, I am merely a child who has to be perfect. It makes me really depressed when I see other people my age and younger go out with their friends, have fun with them while I am forced to live as the perfect. Do you know what it is to have a good grade, show it to your parents and instead of a "Congratulations", you receive a "you could have done better"? It's awful! It just makes you want to have F's and more F's!

As if that wasn't enough, I also am now forbidden of being more than 1 hour at the computer from next week forward. It's so awesome, isn't it? 

Because of all that and much more I don't even have the will to write about, I decided to stop writing in here so I guess my last entry will be this one. I just hope next year will be a better year.

PS: Reading this again, it really seems like my life is shit. But I know it isn't and that there are people in worst conditions than mine. I know that but it doesn't stop me from being selfish. We are all human, after all.

Pairings List

Fri, Dec. 16th, 2011 03:31 pm
rhainus: (Default)
This will be updated from time to time when I discover new pairings that I like. Most of them are malexmale but I support every type of relationship. Some of them are incest so beware. If you have a problem just don't read. This is my personal list.


~ Manga/Anime ~

* Revolutionary Girl Utena/Adolescence of Utena
- Utena & Anthy

* Yu Gi Oh
- Bakura & Ryou
- Seth & Atemu
- Yami & Yugi
- Seto & Joey 
- Jeese/Johan & Jaden/Judai

* Mirai Nikki
- Yukitteru & Yuno
- Akise & Yukitteru
- Nishijima & Minene 

* Horitsuba Gakuen (Tsubasa Chronicles/ xxxHolic)
- Syaoran & Sakura (HG/TRC)
- Kurogane & Fai (HG/TRC)
- Toya & Yukito (TRC)
- Doumeki & Watanuki (HG/xxxHolic)
- Syaoron & Yui (HG) (Syaoron, the older twin and not Syaoran, the younger twin that is in love with Sakura.)

* Katekyo Hitman Reborn
- Adult Reborn & TYL Lambo & Adult Colonello (RL56) (This pairing is so unique! Especially because it usually starts with Reborn and Colonello trying to win Lambo and then they all end up together. xP)
- Cozatto & Giotto (CG)
- Mukuro & Hibari & Tsuna (691827) (Eheh, threesome xP)
- Yamamoto & Gokudera (8059)
- Byakuran & Shouichi (10051)

* Ao no Exorcist
- Yukio & Rin (They are twins, even though they look nothing alike.)

* Nurarihyon no Mago
- Rikuo & Itaku
- Rihan & Yamabuki Otome (Their love is so tragic.) 
- Rihan & Young Nurarihyon & Rikuo (... omg... incest in at its finest!!! Blame Lunaryu since she is the one makes awesome fics about them!!!)

* Mai Hime/ Mai Otome
- Shizuru & Natsuki (MH/MO)
- Mai & Mikoto (MH/MO)
- Sergey & Arika (MO)

* Star Driver
- Sugata & Takuto

* Bleach
- Ulquiorra & Orihime
- Ichigo & Ichida

* Naruto
- Sasuke & Naruto
- Kakashi & Iruka

* One Piece
- Zoro & Sanji
- Kidd & Law
- Marco & Ace
- Smoker & Ace

~ Games~

* Disgaea 2
- Adell & Rozallie

* Persona 3/ Persona 4
- Minato & Ryouji
- Shinjiro & Akihiko
- Kanji & Naoto
- Narukami/Seta & Rise
- Chie & Yukiko

* Final Fantasy
- Tidus & Yuna
- Wakka & Lulu
- Auron & Rikku
- Squall & Rinoa
- Zidane & Garnet
- Steiner & Beatrix
- Nine & Kurasame
- Eight & Cater
- Jack & Eight
 
~ TV Series~

* Hawaii Five-0
- Steve & Danny

* Covert Affairs
- August "Auggie" & Annie

~Two weeks later~

Fri, Dec. 16th, 2011 03:22 pm
rhainus: Christmas 2011 (Christmas 2011)
And so it is almost two weeks since I've said anything. The reason? School, aka the end of the term. It's annoying and crazy and annoying and boring and annoying because it's everything at once. (Yeah, it is annoying.) Finally, Christmas Vacations and I'm happy with that alone. This year has been crazy because there are so many changes and my grades are going really down. Well, no use crying over spilled milk. xP 

Nothing too excited happen these last weeks but we found out that our Philosophy teacher is pregnant. (>.<) It seems she has problems with pregnancies because the first time she was, she ended up having a spontaneous abortion. It's awful because this time she almost had one. And I read something like an intro from a story written by a friend. The story has a lot of potential and even though it's just something like a draft, I was hooked up before I knew it. I'm so looking forward to the story! :D

I guess that's it for the week and stuff. Now it's almost Christmas and I'm jumping with happiness. :D
rhainus: (Default)
So... I've been busy this past week... Kind of... Busy doing what? Well, trying to control myself in the new Terraria update and trying to study more. The 1st term final exams but I still study as much as I did in the first grade, pretty much nothing. I know, I should study more but I don't have the patient. I can't sit in a chair looking at the same page two hours trying to memorize one single line!!! It's for crazy!!! Well, tomorrow I will have Mathematics test and I will just hope that someone will take me off of my computer so I can study something.

Anyways, I love Terraria. Best game ever! (Lol. I'm a nerd, so yeah...) Other than that, I have nothing else to say. Except, I got the game for only 2.50 euros and believe me, it's way too cheap. And I'm happy, of course. 

Today I started talking with two other classmates and they are awesome, really. I hate all my teachers, except the English one, and I guess that's pretty much it. So now, I'm off to play Terraria and pray.
rhainus: Christmas 2011 (Christmas 2011)
Yeah, it's that time of the week. In case you're wondering what the hell I'm talking about, it's the WEEK(!) not the month. :D Lol. I meant as in time of the week where I write everything I damn want. :D  

Nothing too excited happened the rest of the week, the reason why I didn't write anything, but the weekend was certainly funny. I spend more time with my family and we made our Christmas Tree. I know, it's really early but the next weekends my family will be busy so they won't have time to help me decorating the tree, and for me it's all about decorating with the family. :D

As for today, I got my test English, the official one. And I got a 19,6!!! *~squeal~* Though I still have no idea what the hell the teacher did to my test. And after reviewing my test, I noticed that I had written "basicly" in my test!!! This is so not awesome!!! I mean, seriously? "Basicly"? Even a 1st grade would be able to detect such thing! Well, the word I was thinking of writing was basically so yeah, it went pretty awesome I guess. :D

And now I'm watching Covert Affairs and I'm off to bed. Tomorrow another Portuguese test and I haven't studied anything... *sigh* Me and the internet...

~ihihih~

Thu, Nov. 24th, 2011 03:45 pm
rhainus: Love (Love)
Hey! I'm back! Again! (omg...) Well, this week has been full of surprises. :D

Today I'm writing because I didn't have school. :D Today was a general strike day (I went to translator to get this word right but I',m still not sure) in my country. When I arrived school, one of my friends told me that the morning classes were cancelled because there was no water! (Lol!) And so I went to the mall with my mother and my mother's friend to get a birthday present for one of their friends. It was a very nice walk, really. :D

When I arrived home, I went to my school's website and there was written that there weren't any classes because there weren't enough teachers. :D Extremely great! I didn't have one single class today so I sure as hell am happy!!!!

Now I'm just going to try and end whatever the hell I am trying to write. After listening to Chivalry from Kagamine Len (I'm a super hardcore fan of Vocaloid, especially the Kagamine twins) and I was inspired to continue my Star Driver fan fiction and add some more twists. I also need to edit some stuff because my writing style changed considerably. 

Weird dream...

Wed, Nov. 23rd, 2011 09:04 pm
rhainus: Rain Box (Rain Box)
Okay so it's not Monday or anything like that but I felt like I had to write something... Yesterday night, I had a very weird dream... I dreamed of my ex-best friend! This is freaky, weird, everything! I searched up the meaning and maybe the dream had something to do with our "break up".

We stopped being friends for a stupid reason but because I feel like he doesn't want me as his friend anymore, I can't go and talk to him... I felt really sad when he said we wouldn't be friends anymore... He changed so much this past months. Just because he admitted to be gay, got himself a boyfriend (even though they are only dating to show the world their sexuality) and then met new people.

We met each other when we were in the same class (6th grade). We never talked very much but in our 8th grade we began to spend more time together and before we knew it, we were best friends. We did everything together, told each other our secrets and we even wrote a story together (I might post it someday and finish it). In our 9th grade, I asked to be changed from my class and we were separated but we still remained best friends. We didn't spend much time together but we were indeed friends and still talked to each other. He was my best friend, the best of the best friends I had ever had. In our 10th grade, this year, we had to change schools but we still are in the same school. Because we choose different study areas, we got separated again. We continued to be friends and talk to each other but while I kept being a loner with my class, he started getting more and more outgoing with them. Suddenly, he told me he got a boyfriend. I was happy with him, really, but I felt that he wasn't really in love with him and that was an awful thing but I never judged him because of that. I supported him all the way. The problem was that he began to spend more time with his class and then we rarely saw each other. And whenever we got together, he would always tell me that I should try to get better with my own class. I was so sick but I didn't say anything. One day, I was going to my class and he started telling me the same stuff. I said my goodbyes and went to class. Later when I found him, I told him I wanted to speak with him but he told me he had nothing to speak. I was sad and started going away but he stopped me and said that he was just kidding. I said that it was okay if he didn't want to speak with me in that moment and when I was going way, he told me that he would never, ever be my friend again... At that time, I felt my chest clench and tears almost made their way to my eyes.

Now, whenever we meet each other, he is always smiling and completely ignores me. I feel broken... he was my best friend... The person that I considered more important in my whole world... Now, he ignores me and talks bad behind my back...

I just want us to be friends again... but I'm afraid... I feel like crying whenever I see you, Sérgio. i just hope we get to be friends again.

Updating!

Tue, Nov. 22nd, 2011 08:31 pm
rhainus: Coffee (Coffee)
 Hey! As I said in the title, I'm updating my last week and the beginning of this one.

First, I decided to start writing my dairy only on Mondays, because I usually don't have anything very urgent to say. To tell you the truth, I started writing yesterday but I did something and the whole post was lost. After writing a lot, but really a lot, and then lose everything just like that, you don't want to write it again so soon so that's what happened to me.

First, last week wasn't anything special except for Friday. I went to the cinema with two of my friends. One of them is in the same school but the other went to another one. But we still are very good friends, even if it's not very noticeable. We went to see Breaking Dawn Part 1, mostly because they wanted to see it. I am not a fan of Twilight but I completely love Jacob, the character. And then after the movie, I fell in love twice as hard. He's so sweet and strong, not to mention a werewolf that only gives him points. :D I liked the movie but the beginning wasn't really my type. The ending, on the other hand, was a lot. :D It was a nice way to spend with my friends. =D

And I officially hate weekends. Why, you ask? Because my parents don't let me alone for 5 minutes. They are always calling me for this or that. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents. My I also like my own alone time to do whatever I damn want. On weekends, when they are not working, it's just plain hell. I don't even consider them weekends anymore!

And I have a new favorite pairing to add to my list! (I guess I will write a list sometime later, maybe even today, so that I have a small idea of what I like/used to like/anything/whatever.) And the pairing is *drum rolls* Steve and Danny from Hawaii 5-O! Yes, they are both males. I am an Yaoi Fangirl, proudly! I mean, I had love the series from as long as I remember but somehow, Sunday when I was seeing a marathon of the series, something inside me flashed and I noticed that their relationship could pretty well be taken to another step. I even started reading fan fictions about them (currently writing one of my own to join the countless list of fictions I started and never ended. I guess I should make another list for this one. :D).

And, finally, the last thing. Today I left school early and went with my classmates home. I was a little afraid of starting to rain and get all wet but I still went. First, it was cold as hell! (10ºC is pretty hot for maybe half the world but in here is pretty cold. We extremely rarely get negative degrees.) Everything was going well, other than the cold and slightly rainy weather, but when I was almost reaching my house, it started raining pretty hard. We took shelter in a building and waited for awhile. Suddenly, I saw a flash and some seconds later I heard a really loud bang sound! I swear I've never been so close to thunder than today! When I head the sound, I was really scared. I didn't know I was so afraid of thunder than today. When I got home, I was wet from head to toe. I went to take a quick shower to warm myself and it must have taken at least 1 hour to calm my heart down. I was so scared... Just hope I will never have to witness something like that. I haven't been so scared in such a long time... I guess I had forgotten what true fear was like...



Back!

Mon, Nov. 14th, 2011 08:43 pm
rhainus: ~Choco~ (~Choco~)
As I said in the title, I'm Back! (Well I was never gone but let's just forget about that. :D).

I guess I'll start with today because the last days nothing much happened. Today I got my English test! I got a 18,2!!! (in 20 so it's actually pretty good. :D) And I also got my Biology test, in which I got a 14,7 that is also good but not what I was expecting. Well, either way I am extremely happy with English since I mostly learned it from the internet and my brother. Of course there's always the fact that I'm learning the freaking !BASICS! in school so yeah... I guess I shouldn't be too proud of myself. xP Either way, I am happy. But what I am really happier about is the fact that this is the second time that the teacher looks at me like I'm an alien since the people he is expecting the good grades is not me. I think he sees me as an average student. :D So I'm extremely happy when he is like "WTF?" when he grades the tests. :D

On to a different subject, Philosophy. I hate that subject, really, but I have to take it for at least two years. *sigh* The good news is that my teacher seems to be sick or something so she can't come to school. During the last week, I didn't have Philosophy but today we had a new teacher. She is really nice but the problem is that no one takes her seriously. Everyone just laughs and talks like there is no tomorrow. It's funny that in 90 minutes, we only managed to read a text of 3 pages and in all that, we didn't even understand one thing about it! It was a great class, of course the teacher was seconds away of killing us. :D

Another thing I figured out is that my mood depends a lot on the music I am listening. If I'm listening to a calm music, I'm usually smiling but if I hear something sad (OSTs usually do the trick) then I also feel like I should be frowning and glaring at everyone. (LOL.) Yeah, I am weird that way after all. :D 

And so my diet continues... I hate that stupid tea... 1 liter of green tea without caffeine and sugar every day is hell, literally. I just hope this really works because it has been a week and I haven't noticed a single change (not that I am expecting great results in a week but still...). 

"Psychement"! xP

Tue, Nov. 8th, 2011 09:31 pm
rhainus: (Default)
 Damn! I'm so psyched in writing that I'm completely lost! I have no idea what to write, here that is because nothing out of extraordinary happened today, so I'm completely dry of ideas. xP Even so, I'm going to write something.

Right now, I'm watching Walking Dead but I'm going to try and write something too. My Portuguese test was a success, or at least I think that because it went well, even though I didn't know some answers... Well, I'll see the results later. Meanwhile, I don't have anymore tests until next week! :D I guess I can be happy then. 

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HannakoKagamine

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